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[15 Feb 2008|06:56pm] |
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shifting to a new sweet spot.
well not really shifting. but i have a new sweet spot. :)
http://li-ttlephotobug.blogspot.com/
haha all after getting my new camera.
i'm feeling a bit bleagh about not making it for the s1e gathering. sigh. esp since i didn't get to meet up with ngeeshin at all. (never call me!) but it's okay. more s1e gatherings to come and i'll be heading to europe for a month and a half next year :)
i've had the best valentine's day ever. although i can't lift my arms, put on and take off my clothes without assistance, lie flat on my back or bend over. (sunburnt.) and the boy's sitting next to me making my valentine's day present! (one day late. haha.)
will update again soon. EXAMS IN ONE AND A HALF WEEKS. SCREAM.
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| what medical students do on their days off. |
[11 Nov 2007|02:30pm] |
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mood |
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i realised i haven't been around for a while. haha.. plenty to update on but just not in the mood for some reason..
will catch up with all of you when i can.
love love :)
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[17 Sep 2007|02:16am] |
about music tonight.
my music.. listening to something corporate's konstantine. it's been my favourite song since i first heard it. it's nine and a half minutes long, classified as piano rock. it's taken me through some of the hardest times of my life.
sometimes when the night is just right or just wrong, and the song comes on at the right time, the floodgates to the past open. and memories come crashing back, just like it was yesterday. all the things i wish i'd never done, all the people who hurt me, all the people i've hurt. all the insecurites, all the little things i hate about myself, all that emotion just comes back like it never left and leaves me breathless and debilitated. i can't move.
it's all the things i've pushed away from my mind, so i can say, i don't have regrets. so i can live my life without breaking down. it's all the thoughts i never wanted to think again.
it's a strange comforting bleakness, a somehow familiar sadness. so, welcome back old friend, it's been a while.
sigh i'm crippled tonight by the song i love best.
did you know i missed you
did you know i missed you
God, i miss you.
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[02 Sep 2007|10:55pm] |
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 indescribable |
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if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when i turn jet black and you show of your light
i live to let you shine, i live to let you shine.. you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here, with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by.. thank you rouan :) haha.. that's the next song i want to perform! gorgeous song, according to her, about womanly love. and that's something stupid boys will never understand.
long week, long week, doesn't look like it's going to get much easier.
soooo....
haha i dunno. so that's life? 
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[31 Aug 2007|12:18am] |
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"You were a million years of work,"
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
"You're a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we'll see you soon."
We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love.
everything's gonna be alright somehow..
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[20 Aug 2007|11:56pm] |
i think the hardest part in saying goodbye isn't the saying of the goodbye or the hugs or the whispered words.
i think the hardest parts of saying goodbye are the moments just after, where there's still the lingering warmth of the hug, the sound of the voice you've come to love. the knowledge that cold is just around the corner and you feel the last wisps of comfort fade away.
i'll miss you best friend!
come home soon and come home safe.
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[18 Aug 2007|09:07pm] |
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brave. just for a while. |
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it wont be easy. but it wont be too much that you cant deal with it. it will take all of your strength, all of your will, all of your courage. but it's not going to be more than you can handle.
i can do this.
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[18 Aug 2007|01:34pm] |
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It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she falls asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.
haha i like that.
but guys, this is important.
Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]
it's okay to not know what to say or what to do. it's so important sometimes for a girl to know that she's important, that she makes a difference and that at that time there's nowhere else you'd rather be. it's important for her to know that you do what you do for her because it makes you happy, and you really want to, and not cause you should. that's important. you should never ever do things for a girl cause you feel bad or cause you feel like you should.
and effort counts for a lot. especially the little things.
life is tough cookies.
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[17 Aug 2007|11:11pm] |
i've spent half an hour staring at this page and i don't know what to write.
so fuck it.
i'm tired.
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[14 Aug 2007|11:41am] |
you made me smile, baby just for a while.
i miss you.
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[12 Aug 2007|12:09am] |
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Haha random photos from the two weddings of my two cousins. Not the oldest but probably luckiest to have found people they're ready to spend the rest of their lives with. Congratulations kakak nani & abang syarin and abang nazhar & ann e! :)
From the first wedding of kakak nani and abang syarin.
VERY VERY traditional. it was quite sweet cause bride and groom are both adorable, fun loving and completely wacko. they're my favourite sgh nurses ever!
Me and Cousin Sarah (constant wedding companion), who is chinkier than me.
So blurry but he's this adorable little kid who was playing the tambourine with the entire very islamic band.
The pelamin (dais) for my cousin's wedding.. now they're done with their honeymoon and back here again :)
From the second wedding of abang nazhar and ann e.
Not so conventional cause ann e is a chinese person :) i got the next few photos from their wedding shots that they had displayed at their wedding at fort canning. it was small, cosy, warm and had really really good songs (and some rather inappropriate ones like "love just ain't enough" and "hotel california". it was a mat band.)
haiyoh! like advertisement for some bridal photography thing right? i love this picture, it's my phone display pic now. and even though that's a bit disturbing it's a nice picture okay!
more random nice pictures of pictures.
i REALLY like this one. haha i wonder how long they posed to get it to look so natural. (i know what goes on behind these shoots! it's damn unnatural. they make you tilt your head this way and that, smile like this, look this way, your arm a bit to the left.)
aiyoh. so cute.
baby cousin kairi! for those who don't know this little boy's name means strength in arab and the ocean in japanese
aiyoh! even cuter. (there was my hedious head next to it so i decided to spare everyone and crop it.) my baby-est cousin who's got a japanese mummy and an indian daddy and a little brother/sister coming soon in november! :)
haha little hafiz playing with his dad, he's adorable like a little mr incredible, esp when he sits in his little tux with a bow tie, tugging, sulking and yawning cause it's uncomfortable, hot and boring. but he occasionally breaks out into a painful looking smile when 2-3 aunties go "senyum hafiz.. hello hafiz! [insert contorted face here]"
cute la he.
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[11 Aug 2007|02:58am] |
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i really really love watching people dance. i love watching their bodies move with the music, all the fluidity and the continuity of it. I love watching the light reflect off the costumes they wear, the way everything's timed just right for maximal impact. I love they way you can't hold back in dance, and to be good you have to give it everything. leave it all on the stage.
it's the same with life i think, at some point, after thinking and choreographing and practising over and over again, you just have to suck it up and give it everything. one times good one haha. just give it everything and leave it all on stage.
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[08 Aug 2007|09:15am] |
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i'm tired and having a really bad week. so i apologise in advance for any snapping or ignoring that i might have inflicted on anyone. also for the blank stares, the bad judgements and just for everything.
i am tired and i need something to hold on to.
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| the ugly side of medicine |
[04 Aug 2007|01:22am] |
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everytime i close my eyes now, all i see are tubes. tubes for antibiotics, painkillers. tubes pumping blood, sucking blood. i see drains and catheters and i can hear the beeping of the monitors.
i sometimes wonder if i can do this.
my patient held my hand yesterday and cried. because he was newly diagnosed with colon cancer. it's spread to his liver. meaning, there's not much hope. he asked me to make it better.
how do you tell someone they're going to die? how can you watch and not be able to do anything?
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[03 Aug 2007|07:17am] |
You learn a lot in medicine.
Sometimes you find a tumour in a body, and naturally you freak out. Noone wants a tumour in their body. So first you assess the tumour, what kind it is, how far it's extended, whether or not you can remove it. You tell your partner, you tell the people who are smarter than you, who've had more experience with this kind of tumour. You explore different solutions. sometimes you're lucky and you catch the tumour early, when it's small and still curable. sometimes you leave it alone, and just will it to go away. but it'll just get bigger and bigger and eat away at the rest of the body until it's just not worth the trouble. until removing the tumour ends up killing the body. and the body dies either way, cause the tumour takes over and there's nothing left of the body.
so how does the tumour come about? it's a single selfish cell, wanting to dominate over the body. more and more cells grow and the tumour starts.
it's funny when you substitute tumour with problem, body with relationship and cell with thought, it still makes sense.
tired.
[edit: i realise it's a bit of a pain to translate the damn thing. so here it is.]
Sometimes you find a problem in a relationship, and naturally you freak out. Noone wants a problem in their relationship. So first you assess the problem, what kind it is, how far it's extended, whether or not you can remove it. You tell your partner, you tell the people who are smarter than you, who've had more experience with this kind of problem. You explore different solutions. sometimes you're lucky and you catch the problem early, when it's small and still curable. sometimes you leave it alone, and just will it to go away. but it'll just get bigger and bigger and eat away at the rest of the relationship until it's just not worth the trouble. until removing the problem ends up killing the relationship. and the relationship dies either way, cause the problem takes over and there's nothing left of the relationship.
so how does the problem come about? it's a single selfish thought, wanting to dominate over the relationship. more and more thoughts grow and the problem starts.
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| of doctors and medicine.. |
[30 Jul 2007|11:45am] |
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reading rina's entry a while back's made me think a bit and i spent a bit of time observing the people around me at work.
although my first instinct was to jump to the defence of my passion, my profession, my teachers, my colleagues and my friends, i realise there's truth in everything.
i love my doctors, i really love them. i have yet to meet a doctor in this hospital who isn't 100% dedicated to the patient. i have yet to meet a consultant here who shows such blatant disregard for hygiene. well perhaps i'm lucky and perhaps in time i'll see the ugly side of medicine. my doctors stay back till 7 - 8pm after being on call for the last 36 hours to make sure that everything that needs to be settled is settled for the patient. my doctors skip lunch and dinner to make sure they can talk to the family of the patient to reassure them.
let me share with everyone a day in the life of an average doctor. you reach here by 7 latest, ward rounds in the morning start as early as 6 am. you walk with your team from bed to bed checking each patient's status, making sure the medicine is in order, monitoring any progress. the number of patients can range from very light (7-8) to very heavy (as high as 35). ward rounds over by 10 latest and real work begins. HOs will get paperwork, bloodwork, ECGs, tubes, general wardwork done. MOs, registrars and consultants move on to their designations for the day. (scopes, day surgery, major surgery, clinics) all this will last till about 5-6 pm in the evening. i've seen doctors sneak light snacks between patients cause there's no time for breakfast or lunch. after that would be evening rounds. seeing the same patients again, one by one. after that, some of them go home. others have what we know as night call. which is a 24 hour duty where you see to every single new admission to your department at any time in the night.
so, things do get a bit busy and certain niceties are overlooked sometimes. it's no excuse but it happens. there will always be days where people act up.
and medical students are almost never stuck up. they're scared shitless most of the time. any kind of stony faced-ness that you see on our faces are either hiding exhaustion or nervousness. we're going into the business of dealing with lives, where our mistakes mean life or death for another human being. that's pretty scary stuff. while i can't speak for the medical students there, rest assured that everyone i know, know their place very very well. at the bottom of the food chain, we know less than nurses, less than anyone else (sometimes even patients).
haha about bloodtaking, it's a sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't. but he really shouldn't have poked around for so long. truth be told, nurses have much much more experience in bloodtaking, venepuncture and other ward procedures than doctors. so i'm not surprised.
i agree wholeheartedly. but i don't see a problem with appeasing someone and preventing complaints. as long as you're not lying, as long as you tell the truth, i don't see a problem with making a person feel alright while you're at it. and preventing complaints is a necessity nowadays.
but to all my friends, all the people who have the same dreams as me, please please never forget, we deal with people, not diseases, not cases, not signs or symptoms. have a little heart.
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[30 Jul 2007|01:04am] |
haha just some random photos i saw around and made me smile.
yay for my favourite little monster.
haha i think this picture speaks for itself.
i realise i really like nice pictures of random people kissing. weird. but it makes me happy for some reason.
haha such a cute little mat.
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[15 Jul 2007|03:51pm] |
i decided today that my thoughts are good enough to be heard. they may not be terribly introspective or change anyone's life but they changed mine. haha my thoughts may have even been your thoughts before.
someone close to me asks me everyday. penny for your thoughts? and most of the time i smile and shake my head. my thoughts have always been silly thoughts that never seem to match up. they're really random and fickle and only seem to be inspired by my little microcosm, by the thoughts of smarter people around me and they pass like the wind.
but today i sat and thought about a conversation i had today. so here goes.
the problem is that people think they know everything. the lifelessness of life, the dearth of excitement, adventure, amazement. it's cause people think they know. but they don't. they think they know how the universe came around, what the sun's made of, what's in the centre of the earth. they think they know what love is, what life is. they think they have it all figured out.
but where the hell did we come from? how do we work? life out there does it exist? why are we here? where do we go after this?
at risk of sounding like a dork, life is a mystery and it hasn't stopped being a mystery. with all the science and the machines and technology, stop a while and look up at the sky. look at the stars and the clouds and the moon. look at the trees and the flowers and just stop and take a look inside and all around. science doesn't have to be about patents and copyrights, it doesn't have to be about making money. science is about discovery, it's about brewing up some invention in your head and trying to make it in your backyard. it's about failing miserably and keeping at your vision.
i miss the old times. when cartoons were about saving the ecosystem (haha! captain planet!) and not about people beating up other people and it being funny. i miss the old ice cream man. i could live without cornetto and ben and jerry's (scary as it sounds.) i miss beauty that you had to look close to see, not the short skirts, the plunging necklines and all that make up. i miss life when it was a little simpler. when love was just love, going to the market was an adventure (for me at least). i miss a time when there wasn't sex everywhere you see and where romance wasn't overrated and so commercialised and where being a sap was just fine.
there's so much left to figure out, a dear friend says, there's so much out there. and there is! people need to get up and look for it. people need inspiration, something to bring them together and make them excited. haha.. like the man on the moon! and trying to fly.. like the first people to breathe underwater. (right jo?)
live for now, for the person next to you. there's so much to be thankful for. and there's so much to work towards. it's getting to be such a tiring world. haha i don't even read the news anymore cause i just don't really want to know.
so keep your little manuals on life and love, keep the cynicism and the fear. give me innocence again (rosy cheeked and bright eyed please), and romance and pirates and mad scientists and chivalry. while we're at it, throw me a couple of miracles. :) let's go back to all that. can we go back to living again?
haha there are a lot of other random things but i think that'll be it for now. in essence i just summarised everything you told me. haha i just realised after typing it out. but this is how i see what you said.
maybe another time it'll be something a little original-er. :)
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[29 May 2007|01:00am] |
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, iPaq etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...
01 - OPENING CREDITS: plain white t's - hey there delilah
02 - WAKING UP: holly brook - like blood like honey
03 - FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: fiona apple - paper bag
04 - FALLING IN LOVE: lighthouse family - lost in space
05 - FIGHT SONG: bryan adams - everything i do, i do it for you
06 - BREAKING UP: foo fighters - walking after you
07 - PROM: the perishers - sway
08 - LIFE: alicia keys - if i ain't got you
09 - MENTAL BREAKDOWN: u penn off the beat - foolish games
10 - DRIVING: simply red - heaven
11 - FLASHBACK: michelle featherstone - stay
12 - WEDDING: bread - everything i own
13 - BIRTH OF CHILD: idlewild - you held the world in your arms
14 - FINAL BATTLE: destiny's child - emotion
15 - DEATH SCENE: madonna - crazy for you
16 - FUNERAL SONG: edwin mccain - i'll be
17 - END CREDITS: nick drake - fly
haha i thought the birth of a child was pretty cool :)
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| happy birthday to me! |
[27 May 2007|01:25am] |
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i'm officially twenty one!
it was a lovely day. thank you special people!
started off with my waking up at one. i swear it's such a luxury. *beatific smile* apparently my mother and my baby brother tried to wake me up to say happy birthday to me. the only thing i was sad about was that in the whole 24 hours of my birthday i didn't get to see my baby brother awake. came home too late yesterday and today he was gone to the zoo. and i was gone before he came home. so i lied down with him (although he was asleep) awhile just now.
then i met up with kamie!
hello babe!
it was so nice to catch up with her and just talk and talk over ice cream. *hugs* you're awesome babe. and i'm super happy you're happy. he'd better take real good care of her! she's a gem (in more ways than one :P)
then went to meet my mom for dinner. for some nice mother daughter time and it was nice. how can time with your mom not be nice? haha.. and arranged for an extremely last minute dessert gathering cause i can't have the day pass without seeing my friends can i :)
so met up around ten for half price dessert at menotti's. which was scrumptious. even more scrumptious was the company. it was sooo good to see everyone again. so thank you joachim, marcus, huilin, boblee, pooja, wrong joel, mirrianddaniel, leonard and wenbo (buddies!) for coming down even though it was so super last minute. and singing me a birthday song no less with the prosthetic cancer "cake" and very strategically placed candles. love you all.
OH! on the way to menotti's i was walking and there were fireworks! on my birthday! haha it was pretty amazing. i took about 40 pictures of it and a video. haha.. so awesome. i was really really happy after that.
FIREWORKS! :)
really really cool street art. it looks 3D but it's just chalk drawing on a pavement
haha okay random picture from island shop.
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